This year I’m spending Christmas on my own while Hayley sees her family in Michigan. And while I’m sitting alone under the tree I wish we were all together.
But what I’ve come to realize is I’m not longing for a Christmas like one the one we had last year or the year before that.
I want the Christmases of my childhood where most everyone lived apart during the year so we’d have to gather and live together for that week.
Examining my feelings and processing my more abstract grief have been a theme of 2020 for me. It has helped me understand what I really want and who I really am.
I’m hesitant to “silver-lining” this year. So many people have and are suffering this year. But this growth means this year hasn’t been a total loss for me.